Do you ever wonder why those decluttering tips, tricks and challenges haven’t worked for you? Last month I talked about why 30 day challenges don’t work. This is because there is more to getting your life in order than quick fixes and life hacks. It’s about a complete shift in your thinking and way of being. Getting your life in order and letting go of the clutter is only the first step in creating lasting change and an environment that will set you up to go deep and heal.
It’s important to see that our external lives are a mirror reflection of our internal states. Keeping this in mind, you can start by looking at the cycle of acquisition for the clutter in your life. It can start with why you let particular items in or why you have a particular belief that keeps you stuck in the past. Did someone give you something, did you find it on sale was the item free? Did you develop a belief that you needed to do a task a particular way to feel safe and never questioned it?
A cluttered mind and home feed off each other. Often people will leave items out as a way to remember to do something. Or they’ll keep an item because they appreciate it’s function but never use it. Over the years I’ve noticed 11 different types of attachments people have to belongings, beliefs and behaviours. I’ve written about them separately and in different ways. Many overlap and can be seen briefly below
Attachments to Belongings and Beliefs
- Sentimental – Being emotionally attached to a memory through an object and attaching an emotional connection to the object. This creates an actual energetic bond with the item making it hard to let go.
- The money spent – Having items that you never use, but you keep them because you spent a lot of money on them.
- “What if…” Anxiety that you might need the item in the future.
- “I could…” Can be an instrumental attachment to the usefulness of the object or your ability to reuse it in a different way.
- Guilt – Can come from not wanting to offend or upset someone who gave you this item. You may feel bad that you don’t like or want the item.
- Belief – Our beliefs shape our thoughts, actions and how we feel about ourselves. This also ties into habits and behaviours and how you think things should be done or the way they are. Rigidity gets in the way here.
- Belonging to belong – If you’re struggling with your sense of self you may feel the need to buy items to fit in with others. This could mean spending more than what you can afford to keep up.
- Beauty – The world of art and design makes objects both beautiful and functional. The tricky part is when you get attached to the beauty and appreciation of an object and can’t let go.
- Environment – Having strong beliefs around the environment and your impact on the world can create a lot of clutter. You may find that you keep things so they don’t end up in the landfill, this creates an overload of waste in your own home.
- Precision and Perfection – This can look like buying items to complete tasks as precisely and as perfect as possible. Or having different items for very specific purposes, ie. clothing, having multiple pairs of shoes for every type of activity you do.
- Decision making – This includes worrying that you will make a mistake, doubting yourself, fear that you’ll miss an opportunity if you let go of something.This leads to procrastination and inaction.
You can probably relate to many of these attachments, and there is nothing inherently wrong with any of them.You’ll know that things have gotten out of hand when you want to let go but just can’t AND you keep accumulating way more to the point that it’s become a real burden. You know things need to change, but you just can’t do it. .
In this month’s blog I’ll walk you through an example of a few of these attachments, what it looks like in day to day life and how you can shift the overall mess and bring harmony and calm to your life. I know that if you clear the clutter of your external world, it allows you to be in a better place to clear the clutter in your internal world, heal, transform and reconnect with your life purpose.
A day in the life of clutter and chaos
Let’s look at a typical day for Georgia. She gets up early to get everything ready for her children’s lunch, her own lunch and getting the kids to school on time. The kitchen is a mess because no one did the dishes yesterday.. She wants her children to do well in school and spends time making sure they get their homework done and manages their every move.
Working full-time and taking care of the home is too much for one person alone. Her husband also works full-time and is inconsistent with participating in chores and meal preparation. He’s having a hard time at work so she feels responsible for doing most of the parenting and home management. There is no sense of balance for her and things are usually fast-paced and hectic.
This lifestyle of always being on the go and having too much to deal with causes a constant current of stress on the mind, body and spirit. She is in flight mode most of the time and has a hard time settling down at night. Sounds familiar?
Coping
In order to cope she self-soothes with sugar during the day and alcohol in the evenings. This cycle leaves Georgia feeling even more exhausted and foggy in the mornings. She will often find a trendy supplement or powdered drink hoping it will solve her energy and weight issues, without looking at her diet and exercise routine.
After work she ends up shopping online thinking that the items she gets will help make life easier.The retail therapy helps her feel better in the moment, but eventually the guilt of overspending kicks in. She’s accumulated a significant amount of belongings for herself and her family that are cramped into all the closets and dressers in the home. Can you relate?
Attachments
This lifestyle leaves little time for self-care, healthy routines and passions.. Georgia has a lot going on.Living a fast- paced life where you feel responsible for everyone, makes it hard to let go and reconnect with yourself. Her attachment to “what if” both for letting go of items and if something bad happens if she isn’t completely involved in her family’s life, causes a stressful, cluttered life. Being attached to doing things on her own creates a belief that there is no time to declutter or pause. In an attempt to manage she clings to the hope of quick fixes and keeps acquiring way more than she needs.
Let’s be clear that this is not about shaming anyone for getting trapped in such a cycle. Our society is set up so that you will land exactly where Georgia is: trapped in a cycle of shopping and mindless consumption. But it doesn’t have to be that way
Creating True Change and Transformation
Phase 1: Clear the clutter and get your life in order with 5 steps
| Connect | Core values: Family, Balance, Contributing |
| Create | OverallCreate balance and harmony in life and at workSpaceMore intentional with belongings and let go of ones that no longer needTimeSpend less time doing things for others that they can do themselves and more time for self care and fun Take a class and set time aside each week for family quality timeBalanceGet back to working out regularly and see a nutritionist to get help with diet and easy healthy meals for familyMake time in the evening to have quiet time after the kids go to bed instead of watching TV |
| Release | Declutter the kitchen and bedrooms with the familyLet go of control of needing to do it on her own and have family members do it togetherLet go of feeling responsible for others |
| Recalibrate/Reorganize | Collaborate with family and make the kitchen more functional for everyone to use and participate Create a family schedule with everyone for chores and meal prep |
| Rhythm | Spend 10 minutes in the morning and in the evening to meditate and slow down her thoughtsTake the children to the park regularly and do around the playground while they play |
Phase2: Self Care
Using the 5-step process above allows you to get your life in order, make space for life to happen at a slower pace and, most of all, gives you more time for self-care. True change means going deep and seeing what patterns, beliefs and behaviours you’ve been carrying along with you. In this case Georgia was a people pleaser and used different coping strategies that affected her health, well-being and time. Now that she’ll have time for self-care it will create more emotional stability for the next phase.
Phase 3: Deep Healing
Deeper healing can occur with more ease and calm if we can set up our lives in a way that we are supported and stable. Now she can really look at her need to please and her sense of responsibility for others. Through the process, Georgia was also able to get some understanding of her need to control and is feeling it less now that there is more calm, order and balance in her day-to-day life. Taking time to work with a therapist, she is continuing to release these patterns and feel freer and happier.
By having your spaces and time in order, better habits and routines for yourself and those around you, you can take some time to go within. Otherwise doing this kind of work with a therapist, group or spiritual community can be too much. You need time to reflect, process and most of all to feel safe and supported to see what’s been wanting your attention for so long. Making lasting changes is hard and requires commitment and getting out of your comfort zone. BUT, trust me, the reward of living a balanced and harmonious life aligned with your values and true purpose is worth it.
